A SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY -IF YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH

Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot,
There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me,
For Ike was in the White House in the land where we were born,
Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn.

We longed for love and romance, and waited for our prince,
Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one's seen him since.
We danced to "Little Darlin," and sang to "Stagger Lee"
and cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me Me.

Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many,
And only boys wore flat-top cuts except for Jean McKinney.
And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see
A boy named George with lipstick, in the Land That Made Me Me.

We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice.
And when they made a movie, they never made it twice,
We didn't have Star Trek five, or Psycho Two and Three,
Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty in the Land That Made Me Me.

Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp,
And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp.
We had a Mister Wizard, but not a Mr. T,
And Oprah couldn't talk yet in the Land That Make Me Me.

We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go,
At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe.
For our youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be,
And Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me Me.

We never had seen a band that was Grateful to be Dead,
And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson, and Zeppelins were not Led.
And Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lives in trees,
Madonna was Mary in the Land That Made Me Me.

We never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars,
and babies might be bottle-fed, but they were not grown in jars.
And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and "gay" meant fancy-free,
And dorms were never co-ed in the Land That Made Me Me.

We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag,
And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag.
And hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea,
And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me Me.

Buick's came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks,
And bathing suits were big enough to cover both your cheeks
And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee,
And Castro came to power in the Land that Made Me Me.

We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no Hill Street Blues,
We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea,
Or Prime time ads for those dysfunctions in the land that Made Me Me.

There were no Golden Arches, or Perrier to chill,
And fish were not called Wanda, and cats were not called Bill.
And middle-are was 35 and old was forty-tree,
And ancient were our parents in the Land that Made Me Me.

But all things have a season, or so we've heard they say,
and now instead of Maybelline, we swear by Retin-A,
They send us invitations to join AARP,
We've come a long way baby, from the Land That Made Me Me.

So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans,
And wonder why they're using smaller pint in magazines.
And we tell our children's children of the way is used to be,
Long ago and far away in the Land that Made Me Me.