UTAH COUNTY - TOP TEN LIST

"Top Ten List" to know that you are in Utah County, (Provo)

10. It's easier to find Jamba Juice, food supplements, Mountain Dew and prescription drugs, than it is to find a cup of coffee.

9. Residents bleed blue, vote red and ignore green.

8. Now that Utah Valley State College has become Utah Valley University, the county has its first real university.

7. The only left wing in Utah County is at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

6. Everyone has a favorite Osmond.

5. When men gather at the 7-11 for a diet coke and a donut, the conversation is peppered with cuss words such a "flip," "scrud," and "Oh my heck."

4. People still talk about BYU's Holiday Bowl victory in 1980 and say it is proof of the true church - overlooking the fact that the players on both ends of the "Miracle Pass" were Catholics.

3. If you complain about bumpy roads, residents will dismiss your complaints. "It is a sign," they say. "fortold in the Book of Mormon, 3 Nephi, Chapter 8, verse 13. "and the highways were broken up, and the level roads were spoiled, and many smooth places became rough."

2 Residents consider Jell-O one of the basic food groups.

1. When you go to a wedding, the mother of the bride is the one who is pregnant.

MORE COMMENTS FROM HATCH SEMINAR

• Some additional thoughts from the Orrin Hatch Senior Seminar:

Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that happens to a man.

To resist the frigidity of old age one must combine the BODY, the MIND and the HEART. To keep them in parallel vigor... exercise, study and love.

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative.

QUOTES AND COMMENTS FROM SENIOR SEMINAR

I was a featured speaker at the annual Senator Orrin Hatch Senior Seminar. Here are just a few quotes, comments and comments and excerpts from my remarks.

"Those who love deeply never grow old. They may die of old age, but they die young."

"Old age is always 15 years younger than I am."

"When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age. There is a miserable night in grumpy old age."

"About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age."

"The excitement of learning separates youth from old age. As long as you're learning, you're not old."

A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?" Several men stood up as the lights came on. The elderly lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her. "Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a nice Mormon girl?"

I can't tell if my skin is starting to show its age. There are too many wrinkles to see.

I was asked to what do I attribute my old age. I responded by saying, "to the fact that I was born in 1932."